The Vac, Snak, or Yak Syndrome

The earlier posts of the week posed the questions: what are we avoiding in ourselves, and what is a real fear we are facing? In our pondering, we are the tortoise--not the hare--so take your time in considering how these questions apply.

We know voices in our head direct the traffic of our decision-making, and over time, the power of cumulative establishes ruts in our lives that may or not be productive. If you grew up with undue criticism, over time you may be super hard on yourself, driving--or trying to drive--in the rut of perfectionism. Perhaps it is easier to be in everyone's business but your own, as the rigor and discomfort of self-examination are too quiet, too risky. Or when all else fails, eating becomes the escape route, and cumulative exerts itself in pounds and misery.

VAC (for vacuum): any way we overcompensate with trying to make our setting perfect rather than putting that energy into our relationships

YAK (for talking): paying attention to how everyone else should live to avoid our own heart and pain

SNAK (for eating): finding comfort in food that puts us over the limit in weight and health

Are you participating anywhere in the Vac, Yak, or Snak Syndrome? Do you secretly want out of it? Join us in our Tortoise Training...we are on a journey that ever so reliably will feed our strength, corral those voices in our head into productive mode, and accumulate joy in our lives.

Want to enjoy The Tortoise and the Hare again? Visit our Tortoise Training blog where, over time, we will collect our ideas for feeding our strength. That beloved story from Aesop is there. Keep pondering...

Chicken and Guts

As a principal, I could stare down a behavior-disordered student, discipline the assistant superintendent's son, or make peace with an angry parent. Guts, for some blessed reason, were easy to come by in any professional setting.

But, in the still of the night, facing my divorced status and often near-empty checkbook, wondering how my children and I could face the future with hope, I cowered in fear and dread. When I read somewhere that courage is God + our fear, I prayed in desperation. If all I needed was my fear and whatever He brings to the table, maybe being chicken was not total failure on my part.

A single question began to pop up in my mind every morning: do you have enough for today? Yes, but... Little by little, I fed my strength--and my faith--by staying with the question, hoping against hope that God knew what in the heck He was doing. Chicken got transformed into guts by holding on for dear life and facing that which I could not face, one tortoise-step at a time.

Is there something you are not facing? You might put it into a sentence that begins, "My fear is that..." Imagine now that you match that fear with God: my fear + God. I encourage you to ponder this and see if an attitude, question, or gut feeling begins to take hold. It's a first step...and that's all we need for now.

The Boulder

Imagine a boulder, just a bit taller and wider than you are. If you hid behind it, no one could see you if they were standing right in front of the boulder. If the sun were properly positioned, the boulder could cast a shadow that would swallow you up...you could hide within that shadow. If there were an immediate danger, you might feel safe and well-hidden behind that boulder. It sounds as if this boulder might be useful, at least at times, since it seems our scenario would allow you to step out from behind the boulder as you chose.

But I imagine, as has happened to me, that we encounter boulders as big as the one above that somehow trap us in shadows and perceived dangers, and lead us to believe we cannot step out from behind them. A boulder such as this may have a name: Avoid Yourself.

That boulder might be a voice in your head that says:

Avoid truths about yourself that you do not want to deal with: health, weight,

finances.

Avoid relationship issues with spouses, children, friends, and parents.

Avoid destructive habits and lifestyle choices.

Avoid moving forward through grief.

Avoid the work of loving yourself.

I am encouraging you to grab a paper and pencil or go to the Notes section of your smartphone and answer this question (in your set-aside time to ponder): how badly do you avoid yourself? Ask the question and let some thoughts bubble up in your mind. Write them down. For the next couple of days, simply let the question and continued thoughts simmer in your mind. Even as you read this, you are taking an important step in feeding your strength.

Until next time, thanks for pondering with me.