The Advent Calendar of Listening--Day 3

The IMPULSE and the WRESTLING MATCH

Last night I was visiting a store in my hometown and saw a high school classmate ringing the Salvation Army bell in front. I was in a hurry and he didn't see me so I entered the store, curiously watching my thought process. Do I meet the need I could meet with the extra $5 in my pocket, even if I can sneak past him on the way out? I mean, we can't give every Salvation Army bell-ringer our money, right?

The impulse to do something good does not always strike at a convenient time, nor does it ask if we want to respond or even feel we have the means to respond. It just presents itself and waits...on us.

There is also the bad choice impulse: that not-good-for-me food or losing my temper at my spouse or child. The thought--the impulse--to behave this way or that strikes and the choice is mine.

The gift to yourself is listening to the few precious seconds after the impulse strikes: if you give yourself that space of time, you might hear a course of action that has wisdom embedded in it. Yes, you can give that $5--don't worry now about next opportunity to do something good. Yes, you can walk away from that food and feel sturdy and pleased at your willpower--it will even taste better than the food itself. And for sure, you will love choosing a course of even temper that will give you something wise to say in that critical moment when your spouse or child could be hurt with flying out-of-control words.

The few precious seconds that are the listening space beyond impulse are nothing short of a wrestling match. What course of action will win? The gift is yours for the choosing.

The Advent Calendar of Listening--Day 2

Carol Kuykendall writes to her daughter-in-law in today's Daily Guideposts, "I owe you an apology. One of the things God and I have been working on in me is to let people feel how they feel without telling them how they should feel. And after I talked to you on the phone this morning, I talked to God and He reminded me that I'd done it again."

The beauty of listening is that it validates people, whether it's letting people finish their story or like Carol, recognizing that people feel and sometimes our best gift of listening is to let them feel without our attempt at rescue. Our response can be our sincere heart: I'm sorry or I see what you are saying. We'll call this NO RESCUE LISTENING. See if this finds a place in your day.

The Advent Calendar of Listening--Day 1

Listening is a gift we often forget to give ourselves. We gain everything when we listen: we learn, we get renewed, we grow, we show love and respect to others, we show ourselves a true friend. This advent calendar will give us a way to practice listening each day leading up to our celebration of the birth of Jesus. If we got rid of S.T.U.F.F. in November as a gift to ourselves, what better way to continue feeding our strength than by learning about the gift (to ourselves) of listening?

December 1: I was recently with a group of people and noticed how often we began our own trains of conversation before the previous person was finished--unwittingly, we were being totally disrespectful in our quest to be heard. Today's listening lesson--allow someone to finish their entire story/conversation, pause for at least one second, and then begin your response. We'll call this FULL LISTENING. If you try this in a group, you may not ever get to respond because everyone will jump in ahead of you. Be okay with that--model full listening anyway.