If you are in a relationship, and you've gotten past the "falling in love" part, you may have entered the occasional to frequent friction matches with each other.
Hot buttons are pushed and yelling (or at least obvious anger) ensues.
Are these matches the same arguments over and over, with the same predictable harsh responses and hurt feelings?
Want a different course?
No matter how right you believe you are, try stopping the course of the argument with a moment of silence. Whatever you would normally say next...don't.
In that split second, silently ask God for a new response and wait until something comes to you that is so helpful that you know it is stamped with God's wisdom.
A good sheriff responds to trouble but he also looks for preventive measures. A few rounds with God's wisdom at the helm will open up some new pathways to resolve conflict.
The sheriff in you will be proud.
29 December 2012
28 December 2012
You are the Sheriff of Your Yelling--Day 2
Yelling at someone is a delivery system. It is your response that travels from you to the other person.
Something prompts you to make the split-second decision to yell rather than deliver with more self-control. If we look closely, we may see some kind of disarray.
Let's say your child's room is a mess and you've told him a dozen times to clean it up. You resort to a scathing shakedown that leaves him in tears. Cleaning begins but so does a tear in his heart.
Yes, he needs to clean but the teaching process is in disarray.
Perhaps sit down with paper and pencil and make a cleaning schedule. By 7pm, for instance, all toys need to be back in their rightful place. He gets to check his chart at 7pm when all is done. Rewards grow out of a certain number of checks. Who doesn't work for rewards? (Adults do.)
Make sure he knows what you mean by clean. Does he know where toys go? Is there a system? Have you cleaned with him a number of times so he knows what success looks like?
If you are too tired to create a process, then the disarray may be in your overloaded schedule or a stress that is threatening your own peace.
First steps are to trace the source of disarray. Spend time at the source, asking God for creative solutions. Don't expect yourself to live in disarray in any area of your life and not succumb to yelling.
The temptation and ease of yelling are too hard to overcome when disarray of circumstances or feelings is the pothole over which your response to a situation must travel.
A good sheriff tries to solve the root of the problem.
Be a good sheriff.
Something prompts you to make the split-second decision to yell rather than deliver with more self-control. If we look closely, we may see some kind of disarray.
Let's say your child's room is a mess and you've told him a dozen times to clean it up. You resort to a scathing shakedown that leaves him in tears. Cleaning begins but so does a tear in his heart.
Yes, he needs to clean but the teaching process is in disarray.
Perhaps sit down with paper and pencil and make a cleaning schedule. By 7pm, for instance, all toys need to be back in their rightful place. He gets to check his chart at 7pm when all is done. Rewards grow out of a certain number of checks. Who doesn't work for rewards? (Adults do.)
Make sure he knows what you mean by clean. Does he know where toys go? Is there a system? Have you cleaned with him a number of times so he knows what success looks like?
If you are too tired to create a process, then the disarray may be in your overloaded schedule or a stress that is threatening your own peace.
First steps are to trace the source of disarray. Spend time at the source, asking God for creative solutions. Don't expect yourself to live in disarray in any area of your life and not succumb to yelling.
The temptation and ease of yelling are too hard to overcome when disarray of circumstances or feelings is the pothole over which your response to a situation must travel.
A good sheriff tries to solve the root of the problem.
Be a good sheriff.
27 December 2012
You are the Sheriff of Your Yelling--Day 1
Are you in charge of people, especially children?
Do you sometimes--or often--yell and wish you didn't?
Let's start with the tough truth:
In the workplace, research bears out that calm leaders foster higher productivity. Workers feel secure and free to do their best when a leader remains calm even in intense situations.
Your family is your most important workplace. Those in your charge will feel more secure and able to learn this thing called life every time you exude calm, even in intense situations.
There is usually a split second--before you yell--when you are deciding how to express your displeasure. The displeasure presumably is warranted--someone needs to change something. It is the delivery system that is in question.
If you as your own sheriff were to arrest you for yelling, how long would your rap sheet be? Would you like it to change in the new year?
Yelling is a camp we operate out of even when it does not serve us well. How did we get there? How can break down this camp?
As we wrap up 2012, we will examine yelling and find ways to lead those we love with less yelling and more calm. We will hunt for our best voice.
It will feed the strength of your family.
Do you sometimes--or often--yell and wish you didn't?
Let's start with the tough truth:
Your children will use your voice when they grow up.If you are a routine "yeller," chances are they will be as well. Their future target? Your grandchildren.
In the workplace, research bears out that calm leaders foster higher productivity. Workers feel secure and free to do their best when a leader remains calm even in intense situations.
Your family is your most important workplace. Those in your charge will feel more secure and able to learn this thing called life every time you exude calm, even in intense situations.
There is usually a split second--before you yell--when you are deciding how to express your displeasure. The displeasure presumably is warranted--someone needs to change something. It is the delivery system that is in question.
If you as your own sheriff were to arrest you for yelling, how long would your rap sheet be? Would you like it to change in the new year?
Yelling is a camp we operate out of even when it does not serve us well. How did we get there? How can break down this camp?
As we wrap up 2012, we will examine yelling and find ways to lead those we love with less yelling and more calm. We will hunt for our best voice.
It will feed the strength of your family.
26 December 2012
Find Your Phrase
We look ahead.
A litany of promises to ourselves course through our minds, only to short-circuit early on in 2013.
In these waning December days, I am inviting you into a new sort of resolution.
Find your phrase.
In your search for intimacy with God, He can give you a phrase uniquely fitted to you, focusing your trajectory for the new year.
Simply ask:
There is no greater endeavor in a new year than to find what strengthens us. You can be assured that God's phrase for you will, indeed, feed your strength.
Here's to you...and your phrase.
A litany of promises to ourselves course through our minds, only to short-circuit early on in 2013.
In these waning December days, I am inviting you into a new sort of resolution.
Find your phrase.
In your search for intimacy with God, He can give you a phrase uniquely fitted to you, focusing your trajectory for the new year.
Simply ask:
Lord, I want to deepen my walk with You, my focus on You. What phrase can I carry with me as I ponder Who you are? You know me better than I know myself--where I am, where I need to be to significantly enter into the adventure of this life with You.Give Him time and room to work. Room means sitting (or driving or showering) with your focus on Him, pushing away distractions and to-do's. God seems to like invitations.
There is no greater endeavor in a new year than to find what strengthens us. You can be assured that God's phrase for you will, indeed, feed your strength.
Here's to you...and your phrase.
25 December 2012
'Tis the Season: Wonder?
Wonder.
Wonder why some find it so hard to fall into arms that Love them.
Wonder if they have been sorely mistreated and live with a ghastly broken heart.
Wonder if you are the very person who will love them, and love on them, being the only hope that the broken heart will mend again.
Wonder if you could be the very Jesus they need to see.
Wonder if then, because you fall again and again into those arms that Love you, they might test those arms of Love and fall for themselves.
What wonder that would be.
Wonder?
Wonder why some find it so hard to fall into arms that Love them.
Wonder if they have been sorely mistreated and live with a ghastly broken heart.
Wonder if you are the very person who will love them, and love on them, being the only hope that the broken heart will mend again.
Wonder if you could be the very Jesus they need to see.
Wonder if then, because you fall again and again into those arms that Love you, they might test those arms of Love and fall for themselves.
What wonder that would be.
Wonder?
24 December 2012
'Tis the Season: Because an Angel Said So
The Christmas story, announced centuries in advance, moved forward at the urging of angels...and the faith of a few.
Mary: I am going to be with child? I've never slept with a man...how can that be?
Angel: You have found favor with God. The Holy Spirit will come upon you.
Joseph: (I'll divorce her quietly, but I cannot marry one who has been with another man. Since Mary is pregnant, how can it be otherwise?)
Angel: Mary is with child by the very Power of the Holy Spirit. Do not be afraid to marry her.
Shepherds: Let's set our night watches.
Angel(s): Do not be afraid. One who has come to save the world has been born. All glory to God.
Shepherds: Let's go see for ourselves.
Angels and believers are the tools of God's trade. We hear, we go see for ourselves, and we believe.
1 John 5:
Are you one of the few...advancing the story to the many?
That would be a great way to celebrate the birth.
Mary: I am going to be with child? I've never slept with a man...how can that be?
Angel: You have found favor with God. The Holy Spirit will come upon you.
Joseph: (I'll divorce her quietly, but I cannot marry one who has been with another man. Since Mary is pregnant, how can it be otherwise?)
Angel: Mary is with child by the very Power of the Holy Spirit. Do not be afraid to marry her.
Shepherds: Let's set our night watches.
Angel(s): Do not be afraid. One who has come to save the world has been born. All glory to God.
Shepherds: Let's go see for ourselves.
Angels and believers are the tools of God's trade. We hear, we go see for ourselves, and we believe.
1 John 5:
The conquering power that brings the world to its knees is our faith. The person who wins out over the world's ways is simply the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God.Same story, advanced by angels...and the faith of a few.
Are you one of the few...advancing the story to the many?
That would be a great way to celebrate the birth.
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