The last two mornings have found me on a cross country trip with my son, daughter-in-law and five children ages 7 down to 7 months.
We left Austin on Thursday evening, drove all night, came within four hours of our ski destination and found ourselves rearranging the plans because of the Denver snowstorm.
An all night drive with sleeping children and three adults uncovers some interesting conversation.
My take-away was gardening lessons from my son.
He said lots of parents know how to prune. But, he adds, is it pruning that is out of control (yelling), haphazard (promising consequences with no follow-through), or thoughtful, controlled and loving?
He noted that lots of parents know how to fertilize, that is, give praise. The care here being again, thoughtful, controlled and not overdone.
But the riveting part of parents as gardeners, the part he says is overlooked, is setting up the lattice. That is, training the child in how to grow. Taking your kids out to eat and expecting them to behave with no rehearsal is a cousin of insanity, expecting results that have never been demonstrated. Taking them to Wal-Mart and not expecting them to want 10 different things will only happen if they have had practice trips where they know not to ask and have successfully mastered that self-control.
Another example: expecting your kids to respond to mean comments without practice with you gives them no pattern of behavior to grow their confidence. Between Austin and Colorado, I watched him teach the older three what he wants them to do when someone says something mean to them. They practiced in the car, in the unexpected hotel stay and it continues in our ski place.
We all grew up on some kind of lattice, some probably more controlled and productive than others. Maybe some of us have had to tear down our own lattice of self-control and wise choices and start again. But if you are currently growing children under your roof, consider your gardening techniques and take heart: with lots of thoughtful, controlled work and practice, the love you offer and the wisdom of the Master Gardener who will help if you ask, your garden will grow just fine. Enjoy the fruit of your labor.
