Our car air filters protect the unit--the engine--from unwanted debris. But no matter how effective the filter, it cannot make a faulty engine run better.
The unit we run on is our decision-making. Everything we do today will be based on a prior decision. Let's try this out.
I have decided that you (boss, friend) have my best interest at heart. Therefore, when we interact today I will hear you and respond to you with love and respect, even if we disagree. I can be comfortable with the fact that you are my * (boss, friend) and be content in my matching role.
Or...I have decided that you (boss, friend) are unjust or foolish or deceiving. Therefore, when we interact today I will hear and respond to you with trepidation or doubt or hostility and more than likely disagree with any position you take. Though I am, for now, "stuck" with the fact that you are my * (boss, friend), I am far from content in my matching role.
In that relationship today, the filter that protects the unit is contentment or discontent. Contentedness and discontent gather the debris of inevitable, yet healthy, disagreement. A filter of contentedness will allow the unit and thus, the relationship, to move forward smoothly in the face of this disagreement and compromise will be reached. A filter of discontent will be a warning system of sorts that prevents the relationship from moving forward. If the unit (my decision-making) is accurately assessing that the person is unjust or foolish or deceiving, then a filter of discontent would tell me to change my matching role somehow--do I need to move away from you being my boss or my friend?
Here's the tricky part. The unit could be faulty. My decision that you are unjust or foolish or deceiving could be wrong. Then the filter of discontent that is "protecting" the relationship will in fact, prevent the relationship from moving forward. Filters are effective only if the unit of decision-making is correct.
If there is a relationship in your day that has a filter of discontent, ask yourself if your decisions about that person are accurate. Sometimes our engine of decision-making needs a critical tune-up.
