You have written, with confidence, a description of the what the bully does to you, how it makes you feel, and how it prevents you from gaining traction in your own life journey.
Then, against all reason, you asked God to bless the bully.
Why?
Because you are remembering that underneath the bully's pain, there is a real person that you are somehow connected to in relationship. Your prayer for God to bring blessing to that person is part one of a two-part disconnect.
Part 1: Thank you, God, for the potential this person has if he lets you help him resolve his own pain, so please bless this bully. Please take care of him for now while I remove myself as his target.
Part 2: Step away from or put very real limits on time spent in relationship with this person. To keep interacting and expect different results is commonly referred to as insanity. If what you bring to the table was going to change the relationship, it already would have.
Is it okay to reclaim your very self? Yes, in fact, it is your responsibility. You lead yourself and others. You put on your oxygen mask first on a troubled flight. You alone are in charge of your relationship with God.
Will there be a pushback? Will there be a litany of rage and criticism and more bullying?
Probably.
But remember, you will be somewhere else, spending time with God in restoring your heart and reclaiming yourself.
In the strangest, most inexplicable way, this gift to yourself will be the greatest service you can offer the person trapped inside the bully.
Godspeed.
