Though I usually cherish these predawn hours with God, I am numb with worry. I can't wait for the sun to come up so I can find out how much damage I might have inadvertently caused.
Another failure. My life is laced with plenty. Big ones. Obvious ones. Mostly of my own doing.
Someone told me once with a sneer, "God can't use divorced people."
If I start swimming in this pool of mistakes and failure, I begin to drown. Every time.
God told Joshua in 1:1-9:
And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't be discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.If I hurt someone's feelings, then I didn't practice everything written in it. I somehow dropped the ball, even if I could explain my crazy, faulty reasoning that got me there.
If I work backwards from the end of this passage, I am to believe that God is with me every step of the way, and that I shouldn't be timid or discouraged as I backtrack to make it right with this person. I hope she will allow it.
Oh, for strength...oh, for courage.
