Recently, helping a family with afternoon carpool, I was carrying their 3- and 7-yr old children home. The 3-yr-old decided to take his shoulder out of the seat belt and he wouldn't respond to his sister's urging to do it right. I asked once and he refused. We pulled into a parking lot, I gently got him out of his car seat and we got his dad on the phone. We took care of it together. I would have stayed parked until he agreed to sit safely. Our rides together since have been easily maneuvered.
It's all about non-negotiables. Bottom lines. That place which we refuse to cross or have crossed.
Non-negotiables are seeds of strength.
With children, drawing the line in the sand over which you will not cross gives them the foundation upon which to build their personal wall of willpower. They bump up against the line--time and time again--and find security in the fact that it is constant and immovable. Brick by brick, bump by bump, they are given chances to stay within the boundaries until their maturity gives them the strength to draw their own lines for themselves.
We are all building personal walls of willpower, brick by brick, decision by decision. The line in the sand is the list of our personal non-negotiables:
No, I won't eat meat as a committed vegan.
Yes, I will go to bed at a time that enables my early morning God-time.
No, I won't miss church unless I'm out of town.
Yes, I will be all about some form of exercise at least 4-5 days a week.
No, I won't change my hairdresser, nail tech, pharmacy (etc.) just because someone new comes to town.The wall of willpower takes a lifetime to build. It will have setbacks, perhaps an earthquake or two that will nearly take it (and you) to the ground, requiring a slow and painful rebuild.
We understand non-negotiables in dealing with children, but we fail to treat ourselves with that same strength of mind. Our wobbly ways carry over into our prayer life as we read in James 1:
If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it.The student who was lying and the 3-yr-old who was sitting unsafely were both asking for my help. They needed my willpower to draw the line in the sand until they could mature enough to draw one for themselves.
When, in leading ourselves, we need to move our lives into a better gear but we don't know how to start, we can ask God for help. He won't make fun of us or belittle the mess into which our lack of willpower has led us. He is kind and immovable.
If and when we decide to move into this God-arena, we must make that a non-negotiable as well. James continues:
Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.When kids in our care don't see us kindly, calmly and firmly immovable on what we ask from them, they are adrift in the sea of options of misbehaving. They are wildly on their own because no one requires a standard of behavior that they understand, over and over and over.
When, toward ourselves, we are not kindly, calmly and firmly immovable--in whatever are our chosen non-negotiables, we are adrift in a sea of options of misbehaving. We are wildly on our own because we do not require of ourselves a standard of behavior, over and over and over.
When seeds of strength are planted, strength grows. And vice versa. Seeds of strength grow nicely into a wall of willpower. Where God and prayer are the brick and mortar, the wall is a fortress for an abundant life promised by Jesus himself in John 10:
I am the Gate. Anyone who goes through me will be cared for--will go freely in and out--and find pasture...I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.Living within our wall of willpower with Jesus as the Gate is the life worth building.
Tomorrow: Finding Physical: Seeds of Strength
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