I am ever the teacher which hopefully means I am ever the learner.
My new frontier? Parenting adult children and their spouses.
It is such a different world and requires, it seems, a completely new take on my primary role in their lives.
I am nearly 12 years in with my daughter-in-law and I have searched for the one word that describes--and should describe--my role in their lives, the descriptor that leads me into my place with them.
Admirer.
If I admire everything--or everything I can--about her and the family she and my son have created, then I am first and foremost one of their greatest fans. I look for the best, I admire openly their best, and thank God for who they are.
But, you say, what if she (or he) is different? Different from whom--yourself? Then your family has added a wonderful dimension that your adult child has fallen in love with and made a life for him or herself separate from you.
Here is what I have learned: being a vocal admirer opens the door for my daughter-in-law to be herself around me. She knows my love and admiration for her are my constants and everything else can be worked out from there.
Admirer is a learned role--it may not be one's natural inclination. After all, this person "gets" your child and creates a new life away from you.
Exert whatever self-control and new focus this role may require. It is one of the greatest gifts you can give your adult child.
