preventing us from fixing broken relationships.A relationship is broken? With your spouse, your teenager, your co-worker, your extended family member?
You can list a fortress of reasons as to why the other person is the cause of the break in relationship.
That fortress is the problem. You are so entrenched in that fortress that you can't be led out into the light of solution.
If you like the misery of your fortress, stay right there. But expecting things to improve while continuing in your fortress is the mark of insanity. Your call.
If you are ready to take at least a tentative move into the light of solution, consider taking these steps.
(1) Write out all of the reasons the other person is to blame and then put that list in a drawer.
(2) Promise yourself that you won't call attention to any of those reasons for three weeks--21 days.
(3) On a fresh sheet of paper, write one thing that you need to do differently and do it everyday for that three weeks. Mark your progress on a calendar or the refrigerator or your smartphone--wherever you can cheer your progress.
(4) At the end of the three weeks, pull out your list of the other person's faults and see if at least one of their actions has moved in a positive direction.
(5) Realize that the only person you can change is yourself.
(6) Decide how best to continue to change yourself. Give the other person time to adjust to the lighter, freer you.
A litany of hatred against another person is a sure sign that you are the one trapped in the fortress of unproductive behavior.
But then again...hatred is so effective in keeping us trapped in our misery, and for some crazy reason, a few of us choose to stay there.
