If we are looking for our accurate heart mirror that will reflect who we really are, we have to somehow get the voices straight.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Of that I am certain.
But in the cauldron of numbing breakage, when one marriage partner has somehow destroyed the self-worth of the other, there is no feeling fearfully and wonderfully made.
It's more like:
I'm a walking failure. I don't deserve to be happy.That is the voice of the wounds.
We need a simple notebook with two sections. In one section, I can write down what my "wounds voice" is saying because for now I need to respect its presence. To deny its existence is to incur more self-harm.
But in the other part of the notebook, I need to devote at least 5 minutes a day to writing down my good parts, even if it begins with one line, one ray of hope.
Something about each of us is fearfully and wonderfully made. In the early days of my numbing breakage, my hope list about myself was short. But I was faithful to the 5 minutes and so became faithful to the hunt for good in myself.
Over years, I have quieted the wounds voice. It speaks but it sort of bounces off my radar. Weird.
I can only think that, marinated these years in fearfully and wonderfully made, I am beginning to believe it.
Tomorrow: the beauty of starvation.
